Monday, February 4, 2008


I can’t do an in-depth re-cap of this game. It’s too painful. I feel like I’m dying which bring me to THE FIVE STAGES OF DEALING WITH A TRAGIC SPORTS LOSS:

STAGE I, Denial: I have not watched TV, used the internet, or read the paper. In my mind, Super Bowl 42 was never played.

This is pretty hard to do when you live in NY. The following things have happened in the last 24 hours. My friend and I were taunted out of a diner by the manager because we still had our Patriots shirts on. Simultaneously, I received the following text messages:

1) Take that, BITCHES!
2) How bout them Giants!
3) My condolences. The flowers are in the mail. Go Giants!
4) A perfect season 4 nothing!
5) Ha ha!
6) You suck balls!

And signs at work included:

1) Welcome to New York City “If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.”
NYG 17 NE 14

2) LOSER!!! 18-1, GO GIANTS

3) Regular season tickets: $58, Super Bowl Tickets: $1000, Watching the Giants beat the Patriots: Priceless

4) Please stop stealing my food! (This sign may not have been related.)

Stupid co-workers actually took the time to create and hang these signs up on my wall. I’ve never felt so hated in my life. I guess, now I know, what a Yankees fan feels like.

(*I just want to add, I have one great friend who is a Giants fan. He was humble and I actually felt happy for him and his father. He’s a real fan and has endured living in New England as a Giants fan for his whole life. I’m happy for him, but everyone else can suck my…*)

STAGE II, Anger: If I see one more Giants fan, I’m going to kill him. Definitely not a good thing when you live in New York City.

STAGE III, Bargaining: I promise to be a better person. I will stop watching football. Instead, I will spend Sundays volunteering at soup kitchens. In return, please let a big news story hit quickly so everyone forgets about the game. Like maybe we get hit by a meteor something. Then nobody will talk about the game anymore.

STAGE IV, Depression: I wasted my time watching this team all year. My team, and thus ME, will go down as chokers. I can’t believe I spent 100’s of hours watching my team play, and actually thinking I had an impact on the game. Forget this. Next year, on Sunday’s I’m going to read in the park, learn to crochet, and take up the clarinet. Why not? I have nothing else in my life. I am the worst.

STAGE V, Acceptance: It’s not the end of the world. The underdog won and I usually root for them anyways. The Patriots have won too much and needed to be humbled. The Giants played better. Good for them.

This is what should happen, but I’m still at the hybrid stage of depression/anger/denial. Last night I had nightmares and slept 3 hours. Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t a sports fan at all which leads me to…


Rational Fans: usually consists of women and casual fans. They root for their team, but are just as interested in the food or drink they’re consuming. They may have a t-shirt or hat, but it was probably a gift from someone else. They may get mad, but it’s usually at the wrong time. If their team loses, they feel bad, but then perk up with: “We’ll get ‘em next time.” The rational fan does not believe their hopes, prayers, and actions will have an effect on the game.

Irrational Fans: These people actually believe their hopes, prayers, and actions will have an impact on the game. Highly superstitious, these people will change seats, wear lucky shirts, knock on wood, turn on/off the lights, open/close the window. I experienced my 1st irrational fan when I was 5. MK was hardcore: shouted at the TV, bit his nails, lined up the remote controls in a perfect formation. MK actually believed if a new person came into the room it could change its energy. So when MK’s mom came into the room, and the Patriots started losing, something had to change. MK and the father immediately banished the Mom from the TV Room and she was never seen again (She didn’t put up much of a fight as this must’ve been commonplace.) After she was exiled, the patriots went on a run and won the game; that moment stuck in my head, and I was never the same again.

I, unfortunately, am an irrational fan. Last night’s loss was incredibly painful. When people see my misery, they ask: Did you lose a lot on the game or something? Nope, just my heart and soul. There’s nothing sweeter than winning. But a loss, like last night, will plague me for a long, long time.

My Apologies to Plaxico

Plaxico must’ve taken the Delorian into the future last week. He missed the actual score, but how the hell did he know the Patriots would score so few points? I heard the Giants hired Matt Walsh and friends (Eric Mangini, Kurt Warner, and Arlen Specter) to tape the Patriot’s practice so they knew what to expect.

The Play

Eli’s scramble and then Tyree’s unbelievable catch with 30 seconds left will go down as one of the best plays of all time. Walking the streets of NY last night and today, I overheard cops, lawyers, stockbrokers, teachers, even women discussing that play. All it needs is a name. There’s the Immaculate Reception, The Catch, The Holy Roller. I was thinking this could be called: “The…Holy Shit!”

Asante Samuel’s Near INT

Tom Petty summed this up with his song, American Girl: God it’s so painful. Something that’s so close. And still so far out of reach.

When it fell off of Asante’s fingertips, I lost feeling in my entire body. I knew I was going to throw up, and the Patriots were going to lose.

Where were you, Adam Vinateri?

Every Patriots Super Bowl in the decade has been decided by 1 field goal. What’s the point of having another kicker if the Patriots have no intention of using him?

Excitement She Wrote

You can love or hate the Patriots, but every Super Bowl they’ve been in this decade has been exciting. Super Bowl 42 was the highest rated ever with almost 100 million people watching in the US alone.

On to the Celtics

Guess who has the best record in the league? (Yeah, I know. It doesn’t mean anything.) But I can promise you this: they’re not gonna lose to the Knicks in the playoffs!


Anonymous said...

Having watched the game with your blog host, I have never seen him so dejected and lifeless in my entire life. I watched nearly every game with him this season and I feel like my girlfriend just dumped me for some guy from Staten Island. On my way to work today I walked through the discarded pieces of ticker tape from yesterday's parade. They were being stepped over and stomped on--much as I have felt for ther past 48 hours. I would give up the 2007world series for this one.

Anonymous said...

Cooley, still in the denial stage. Haven't watched any sports shows or read a paper yet.

Am suddenly obsessed with politics and animal planet...