Thursday, May 15, 2008

Going Green

A lot has changed in the course of a year. Roger Clemens has gone from fame to shame. Nobody is bothering Barry Bonds. The most famous (ex) New England Patriot is a guy named Matt Walsh. Robert Downey Jr. is the biggest star in Hollywood (pulling in almost 200 million in 2 weeks with Iron Man.) The Devil Rays are now the Rays, and they’re in first place. The MLB is on pace for a 1000 less home runs. Gas prices are over $4.00/gallon. Delonte West is the ugliest man alive replacing Julian Taveras. But the biggest change has to be... Danny Ainge is now the NBA Executive of the Year.

Do you remember just one year ago? The Celtics had their worst season ever in their storied franchise. It was embarrassing. Everyone was calling for the heads of Ainge, the Doc, and whoever was sticking up for them. I still remember my brother Mike ripping Danny Ainge as we sat for Thanksgiving. We had to stop him mid-tirade so we could finally eat.

After last season, Ainge was desperate. His executive skills were worse than his .220 career batting average on the Blue Jays (still better then a steroid-free Giambi, but I digress…) But somehow, Ainge pulled off a miracle. It was like having one card left in war and miraculously coming back to win. Or like me at the poker table: going all in with terrible cards hoping that something amazing happens. Well, Ainge hit the flop and the river and ended up with a three of a kind. He took the whole pot, and suddenly owned the table.

Ainge and the Celtics pulled off what is becoming a trend in professional sports: they “collected” as many veteran All-Stars as possible. You have to give Ainge credit for convincing Garnett to come to Beantown, but besides that, he didn’t do much. Everyone else (Posey, House, etc.) just followed “The Big Ticket.” And even though I’m a Celtics fan, I’m not a fan of the system they’ve taken part in. The Lakers tried this a few years ago with Gary Payton, Karl Malone, and the gang. I hated that team so much that I even called in to a radio show—(long time listener, 1st time caller) and bitched out some local idiot LA sports announcer.

Someone has to question what is preventing large market cities from stacking their teams every year. (Did somebody say Yankees?) Forget the draft (the ping-pong balls are about as reliable as an aspiring actress calling you back.) Forget developing players. Let’s just convince All-Stars that they’ll win a championship by playing together in a big city. In a few years, we’re gonna see LeBron, Dwight Howard, and McGrady playing together trying to win that elusive 1st championship. But it didn’t work with the Lakers and the Celtics look suspect. So maybe “collecting” players doesn’t work so nobody will pay mind to it anyway—I guess we’ll find out soon.

I can complain all I want about the system, but at least it’s the Celtics that hit it big. And Garnett is so fun to watch: he hustles and he scraps, and he’s incredibly talented. So now Ainge has got his Big 3, (or as Sports guy puts it: The Big 2 featuring Ray Allen.), he’s got his NBA Executive of the Year Award, and now he’s got his team 9 wins away from their 1st championship in 22 years.
A lot can change in a year.

Did You Know…

The Celtics could become the first team to win a Championship while going 0-12 on the road.

Rajon Rondo compiled an unusual triple-double in Game 5 with points, assists, and “Tommy Points.”

Sam Cassell is both a ball hog and an alien.

A Look Into the Future

In Game 6, LeBron James will be fouled hard by Paul Pierce. He will cry until his mother consoles him and then demands an apology. Oh, wait, that already happened.

Ben Wallace will become a spokesperson for Claritin-D.

Sports Guy will write another scathing yet humorous article after the Celtics lose on the road again in Game 6.

Brian “Veal” Scalabrine will become a clothing model in the off-season.

Tyler Perry’s…

I have never seen his show, plays, or movies, but I HATE TYLER PERRY, and I’ll tell you why. He has the audacity to put his name on everything he makes. It’s one thing to name a show after yourself, (i.e. Seinfeld, the Cosby Show, the Chevy Chase show) but it’s another to attach your name to EVERYTHING you make. Tyler Perry’s House of Payne, Tyler Perry’s Meet the Browns, Tyler Perry’s Shut the Hell Up. How insecure is this guy. Just pick a title and move on. We know you made it. If I ever become famous and put my name on everything I make, please punch me in the face. Thanks.

1 comment:

Joie Mayfield said...

"Tyler Perry's Shut the Hell Up"!!! That is great! Tyler Perry gets on my nerves, too, LOL.

Great blog!!