Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Pick Up Scene/Baseball Dictionary Part II

Welcome to Part II of The Pick Up Scene/Baseball Dictionary.

If you haven't read Part I, you might want to check that out first.

Satchel Paige

Best known for pitching in the big leagues at the ripe age of 59.

A Satchel Paige is the old guy at the bar still hitting on 22 year-olds. He is balding, creepy, and has no business being there. He doesn’t realize that’s it’s weird for an old man to be partying with 20-somethings.

Walter “The Big Train” Johnson

He played 20 years all for the same team, the Washington Senators.

A guy who marries his high school sweetheart is a Walter Johnson.

Mark Prior

He was one of the top prospects in baseball. He had a great season, then he blew out his arm, and was never heard from again

A Mark Prior is a guy who’s amazing with girls in high school, and his potential is unimaginable. He should go on and do very well, but after graduation, everyone else moves on, and he inexplicably becomes a loser. A prime example is the guy at your 10 year reunion who was cool in high school and now looks terrible, still lives at home, and is unemployed.

Dwight “Doc” Gooden

Doc was one of the best pitchers in the mid-80’s until he got hooked on drugs.

This is the guy hooks up a ton in high school. But when he hits college, he gets caught up in the world of drugs, and is never the same again.

Rick Ankiel

Ankiel struggled as a pitcher. He was then converted as an outfielder where he is having an All-Star caliber season.

A Rick Ankiel struggles with the ladies until he overhauls his game and image, and then becomes successful. A prime example is the guy who’s a loser in college. He then studies abroad and comes back with a new style and lots of game. Or the guy who was a geek in college, but then gets a kick-ass job, makes lots of money, dresses real nice, and is suddenly a lot cooler than you.

Babe Ruth

The Babe was one of the best pitchers of all-time before he was converted to an outfielder. He then arguably became the best left hand hitter of all-time.

A Babe Ruth is a guy who has mad game and can pick up almost any chick. He then becomes famous (professional athlete, actor, president) and is pretty much unstoppable. Think Derek Jeter, Tony Romo, Vincent Chase, George Clooney, Bill Clinton.

Ramon Martinez

A decent pitcher who constantly struggled in the first inning. But if he got through it, he actually pitched pretty well.

A Ramon Martinez is a horrible opener. He can never approach a girl because he gets too nervous and says something stupid. But if he can recover, he actually has some game.

Eric Gagne (2007)

He pitched so poorly in 2007, Red Sox fans wondered if he was playing for the other team

So if you know someone that dresses very well, is an excellent dancer, and likes Bette Midler, they might be a Eric Gagne. Not that’s there’s anything wrong with that.

Anabel Sanchez

The one hit wonder; Anabel Sanchez threw one no-hitter and was never heard from again.

This is the guy who had one amazing hookup (a model, an actress, something good), but that’s it. After that, he can’t get laid, can’t get a date, can’t get a phone number. Nothing.

Sandy Koufax

A great pitcher who wouldn’t play in a 1965 World Series game because it fell on the night of the Jewish holiday Yom Kippur.

This is the guy who only dates within his own religion. Someone that’s deeply involved in Hillel (or a church group) would be a Koufax. They generally stick to J-Date and/or set-ups through their mother. They clean up at events like the Matzo Ball Dance.

Dave Speewack

The pitcher for the California Angels in the movie Naked Gun.

This is the guy who spends all night trying to get with the bartender, but never does.

Fernando Valenzuela

He won rookie of the year and the Cy Young pitching for the Dodgers in 1981. He stood out because of his unique delivery and personality. He became so popular that his emergence was dubbed Fernando-mania.

This guy uses gimmicks to be successful with women. He’ll try anything innovative or different to get attention and make himself stand out. This includes using an accent and/or wearing funny clothes/accessories (some call this peacocking.) He’ll even hit the karaoke circuit to get noticed. When he’s on, he can even start trends like Fernando-mania.

Scot Shields

Shields has been in the top 3 in Holds for the past 4 years which puts him as the best and most consistent set-up man in baseball.

If you’re a Scot Shields you are a proven and reliable wingman. He’ll meet the girl, get her excited, and then gladly pass her along to you. Then all you have to do is close.

David Cone

Despite pitching a perfect game, David Cone may be better known for his zany behavior and antics on and off the field. Apparently, he was a womanizer (with an eclectic taste), and was once caught “rubbing” one out in the bullpen. To quote Joe Torre: “David likes to live on the edge. It may not always be pretty, but the son of a gun finds a way to do it.”

A David Cone will hook up with absolutely anyone, anywhere, anytime. He has no qualms about anything, and you’ll never know what he’s going to do or who he’s going to do it with.

To Be Continued...

For Part III, click on:


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