Here is Part III of the Pick Up Scene/Baseball Dictionary. If you haven't read Part I or II, you might want to check that out first. I’d like to thank my buddy GS for contributing this portion of the dictionary. If you want some of your ideas posted, just shoot me an e-mail. Enjoy the last section of the trilogy!
Jim Palmer/Mike Mussina
Good looking, preppy guy who has scored a number of hot babes. For some reason, no one really likes him and he knows it.
Mark “the Bird” Fidrych
This guy who hooks up with a really hot girl and in the process earns himself a great nickname, but thereafter can never score again. The nickname remains forever, but he never lives up to it ever again.
A Frank Viola has a great moustache and girls love it. Everyone has one of two reactions: (1) “how does this guy get so many chicks with that ‘stash’” or (2) “I wish I had one just like it.” A real diamond in the rough.
A Jeff Reardon is the first guy in your class who could grow facial hair. He has bushy side burns and maybe even a goatee and the girls love it. He gets to hook up a lot because of it, but then a few years later, no one cares because anyone can do it, and most don’t because it is not very becoming. But a Jeff Reardon keeps the goatee and sideburns anyway and everyone makes fun of him.
A Mike Maddux is an average dude with a legendary brother. He keeps getting chances with chicks just because he is the brother of the cool guy, but even with great genes, he just can’t get it done. A poor man’s Johnny Drama would be a prime example.
The classic late bloomer. He doesn’t get laid until he’s 25, but then he has a long and productive career and ends up with a pretty hot chick.
The guy who throws a party and whose sole responsibility is to to entertain the girls so they stay most of the night. But he always does something stupid (like run out of liquor, offend a girl, smell up the bathroom and then leave the door wide open) and by the time his good friends show up, the girls are long gone. The friends kick themselves for having a Wasdin throw the party and immediately give him a fitting nickname like “Long Gone.”
A Gaylord Perry has a pretty long career of just lying and scheming and doing anything to get laid and everyone knows it. He still has some success, though not on the Roger Clemens level. This guy will clean up on the girls that are 5’s and 6’s. Unlike the Roger Clemens guy though (who will always score the 8’s-10’s), he stays under the radar and never seems to get caught.
Rich Garces (El Guapo)
A Rich Garces was a great wingman, but too many nights of drinking and eating wings has left him fat and bloated, and none of his former crew wants him to even approach a chick, because he will blow it.
A Juan Pena is the guy who moves to town, hooks up with two of the hottest chicks in school, and then simply vanishes never to be seen again.
See stats here: http://www.baseball-reference.com/p/penaju01.shtml
He was that kid in high school that was a little chunky, but he still managed to hook up a good amount, and everyone was always a little jealous. But then you see him 10 years later at the reunion and he is a house, who has completely eaten himself out of dating shape. He will never be a threat again.
This is a kid who does okay with chicks and shows lots of promise, but lives in the shadow of the really cool guy who always hooks up. Then the really cool guy transfers to another high school and then Aaron Sele has a monopoly on all the hot girls in school, but he somehow can’t get it done and everyone will always wonder why.
A Bob Gibson is the kid who you steered clear of at all costs. If you even looked in his direction, you could have gotten a beating after school or outside at the bar. You need to give a Bob Gibson a wide berth. As a result, he faces absolutely no competition from anyone and can score with chicks at will.
A Denny Neagle is a guy who will only hook up with prostitutes and strippers. Everyone is baffled because a Denny Neagle should be better than that, but a Denny Neagle is his own worst enemy. He will never pose a threat to the regular guys and will be broke by the time he's 45.
This was the guy in school who was a loner and not very cool, but always had great success with girls because he could always get them drugs. Years later he is doing 20 years for drug trafficking.
A Niekro is one of two twin brothers that has good success with women solely because he is a twin and because he can play tricks on girls and get them to hook up with his brother and vice versa without the girls knowing. A Niekro is very crafty and knows his arena well.
For Part I, click on:
Back to the '90s On Wednesday
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