This afternoon I was on HOLD with the cable company. I expected someone to pick up after 5 or 10 minutes. Nothing. So I waited another 30 minutes. Still nothing. At this point, I had to make a decision. Hang up and call later, or stay on for the long haul. I elected to sit and wait as I had nothing to do anyways.
But after a period of time, I reached my limit. I was on hold for 1 hour, 47 minutes, and 14 seconds. I memorized all the service announcements as well as the hideous hold music. I just couldn’t take it anymore. The worst part is that I’ll have to call back and wait again. I took a picture of my cell phone's “hold time" for evidence. Maybe I’ll send it in with a complaint letter and get a few months of cable for free.
After I hung up, I was angry, annoyed, and stressed. It ruined my day. I wish I could let things slide off my back, but stupid things like this really piss me off. Then, I started thinking of all the little things that annoy me.
Here is that list (I didn’t include 'people that annoy me' because that’s a different post entirely.)
Little Things that Annoy Me
1) Pennies & Loose Change
When the register flashes $4.03, and all I have is a $5 bill, my heart sinks. Now I have to carry around loose change for the rest of the day. The change then jingles wherever I go which is incredibly annoying. Most of the time it ends up lying in my change bin on my desk for the next several years. It is a complete waste.
As far as pennies, they are completely unnecessary. Sure, they are good to throw into a fountain, find for good luck, or put on the train tracks, but besides that, they are useless. They are inconvenient, occasionally rusty, and quite annoying. I tip my hat to the storekeepers who accept a dollar on a charge that’s really $1 and 3 cents. They should be applauded and rewarded for their attempt to eliminate the penny as well as loose change.
2) No Free Refills
First off, I never understood why people would order a more expensive large soda, when they could just refill the small ones for free. It makes no sense. But what is worse are basic restaurants/pizza places/fast food joints that don’t allow for free refills. You will rarely find them, but when they pop out, you will be very annoyed. Many times, it’s not even advertised that they don’t provide free refills. Four sodas later, and your bill is fattened by $12 dollars. What the hell? I have very little respect for restaurants that have ignored our rights to free refills.
3) Pens Not Working
You’re on the phone. You just want to jot down an important message. You take out your pen. It works for a second before it fades away. What the hell? It just worked in a minute ago. Then you bend, twist, and shake the pen hoping something will happen. Many times this works, but by the end you’re very annoyed. At least you fixed it. Then mid-way through writing, it dies again. We can put a man on the moon, but we don’t know how to make pens that consistently work. This is a travesty.
4) Broken Earphones
Without hyperbole, this is one of the worst things ever! You’re ready to go for a jog, or you’re on a long ride somewhere. You slip on your earphones, turn on your ipod, and sound only comes from one ear. You convince yourself it’s not that bad, but after a few minutes, you start to go nuts. Then you realize if you shift the right side and lift the ipod over your head, sound comes out from both earphones. But if you move slightly, it messes up again. I’ve done this many a time, and it drives me crazy. After a while, I give up, and usually end up breaking the earphones completely.
Don’t tease me by allowing only side to function. Either work, or don’t work. Thank you.
5) Frozen Internet
You’re on the internet looking up sports, e-mail or the latest news (just kidding—you’re obviously looking at porn) and all of a sudden the computer screen flashes “the page cannot be displayed.” You have no idea why the connection was lost. It is a complete mystery. In many ways, it’s like traffic. It pisses you off, but if you knew why, you’d at least feel a little more satisfied.
You unplug the modem, router, etc., wait 20 seconds, and put it back in. You hope that helps. Doesn’t the internet realize you were in the middle of something important, and you don’t have time for this? All you want to do is watch one more porn scene. Is that too much to ask for? So annoying.
6) Scalding Hot Water
You’re at the sink to wash your hands. You turn on the left handle hoping to bathe your hands in some nice luke-warm water. All of a sudden, scalding water sprays out, and you burn the hell out of your hands. It's illogical, painful, and annoying all at the same time.
This has happened to me at a friend’s house and at the occasional restaurant. It’s a lawsuit waiting to happen. And why is scalding hot water even an option for a sink? Are germs so thick now that only boiling hot water can defeat them? Are people making spaghetti in their bathroom sinks? It makes no sense. I hate it. Annoying!
I love the ocean. I love the beach. But I hate sand. I know it’s a contradiction. I love the laying on the soft sand; it is so relaxing. But my main beef with sand is that it doesn’t know when to quit. It is so damn clingy (no pun intended.)
You’ve had a great time at the beach and now you’re back home. But sand doesn’t want to say goodbye. It ends up in your car, in your backpack, in your shoes, all over your clothes, and body. And now it’s in your bathroom and bed. It’s everywhere! Sand is annoying because it doesn’t know its role. It belongs at the beach and nowhere else.
When I was a kid, I always wanted to shave. My dad would let me put tons of shaving cream on my face until I looked like Santa Claus. He gave me a razor without the blade and let me pretend to shave. I thought it was the coolest.
Now that I’m older, I realized I was very wrong. Fortunately, I don’t need to shave everyday, but if I had to, I would be a dead man. I either have very sensitive skin, or I’m an awful shaver, because I cut myself every time. There’s always these little nicks. It doesn’t hurt much, but then I have all these little marks on my face. I think nobody will notice until 4or 5 people come up to me and ask why I have those little red bumps on my neck. Leave me alone. I hate shaving.
9) CD’s & DVD’s
I have a love/hate relationship with CD’s and DVD’s. Yes, they are more convenient then cassettes and work much better. But there’s just one thing. One scratch and they’re useless. You have to care for these things more then a child (at least a scratch on a kid will heal.) I have VHS tapes and audio cassettes that still work after 20 years. 20 years! I have a DVD that I bought last month that no longer works. You do the math! Annoying.
You just bought a new shirt or pants or a dress. You look good. You feel good. Then, a stain arrives. Maybe it was a spill, an out-of-control noodle smothered in marinara sauce, or perhaps it was just an unsolved mystery. Either way, your perfect shirt is now permanently covered in a stain. You try all the latest detergents, and magic stain removers, but it doesn’t disappear. As a result, you can never wear that article of clothing ever again. That annoying stain has ruined everything!
When I was younger, I was psyched to get mail. Maybe it was a letter from Ed McMahon’s Million dollar sweepstakes, a check from Nana, or one of those 20 CD’s for a penny deals. But as I’ve gotten older, I learned no mail is good mail. Because it’s all bills. I cringe when I open my mailbox. Bill. Bill. Court date, Summons, etc. And you’re not gonna get a real letter; nobody does that anymore. Nothing good can come from the mail. It’s quite annoying!
12) Walkie-Talkie Phones
Who invented these things? These have got to be one of the most annoying communication devices of all time. If you’re in the armed forces or possibly on a movie set, it’s cool, but anywhere else is unacceptable. EVERY TIME someone wants to speak, they click on a button which creates a high-pitched ringing noise. So over the course of one conversation, they will ring that button at least 25-30 times.
The worst part is that these people are completely oblivious. They don’t seem to realize that constant ringing and shouting into their phone is annoying. In fact, I think they think it’s cool. But the truth is they are annoying and so are their walkie-talkie phones.
13) Car Alarms & Horns
This is an easy one. I owned a car alarm for 5 years. When I parked my car on the street, the alarm would go off almost every morning. Another car would drive by prompting my alarm to screech for 3 minutes. It would serenade the neighborhood with the standard 6 beat beeping sound. I’ve heard it so many times, I know it by heart.
Car alarms are more overprotective than a Jewish mother. They need to relax. We’ve all had the relaxing dinner outside or a peaceful walk destroyed by the errant car alarm. They need to be eliminated. On a side note, my car was never stolen or broken into. Maybe it was because nobody wanted to have a car with such a sensitive and annoying alarm system.
The car horn was created for 2 reasons; safety and possibly to pick up chicks. It was not made so you can let out your anger and frustration. Slamming your horn for 30 second bursts, or machine-gunning (beeping over and over again quickly) does nothing for anyone, anywhere, anyhow. If you are a culprit, you need to stop. It is annoying, unacceptable, and useless. You guys should be ashamed of yourself.
(I’d like to add sirens on the list. We know there’s an emergency, but do they have to be so damn loud? We can hear you! Tone it down just a little. Although sirens mean well, they are still very annoying.)
14) Stubbing Your Toe & Biting Your Tongue
Stubbing your toe always happens when you least expect it. You’re usually in a good mood. Maybe you’re walking through the living room. Then BOOM! You slam your toe into that random coffee table which definitely wasn’t there a minute ago. Then you agonize in pain (a la Peter Griffin) for five minutes. The first moment of a stubbed toe goes down as one of the worst pains ever. In anger, you might even punch/kick that stupid coffee table for getting in your way.
Biting your tongue creeps up on you as well. You’re enjoying that delicious piece of steak when BAM! You bite down on your own tongue by mistake. You’re in horrible pain, but for some reason, you don’t tell anyone. You pretend it didn’t happen. Usually, people at the table can sense something is wrong. And then you make the face so they know you bit your tongue.
The good thing is your appetite has short-term amnesia. So at least a few minutes later, you are back chomping on that steak again.
15) Having to Pee in the Middle of the Night
You’re relaxed. You are in a deep sleep. Maybe you’re even having a magical dream. Then you feel it. You have to go to the bathroom. You try to ignore it, but your body keeps reminding you that it’s time. If you ignore it long enough, your dreams even change. You start looking for a bathroom in your sleep. But you can’t go.
It’s the eternal struggle. Do you disrupt your perfect slumber to use the bathroom? For most adults, the answer is yes.
You will yourself out of bed. It’s dark and you’re groggy. You may even bump into some furniture on the way to the can. And sometimes when you return to bed, you can’t even fall back asleep. And even if you do, it’s not nearly as peaceful as before.
Little kids are the only ones that have mastered what to do in this situation. They sleep and go to the bathroom at the same time. It’s a brilliant compromise as long as you don’t mind excessively cleaning your sheets and clothes.
Yes, I wish my list was shorter. The worst part is that I have several more to add for another time. But I don’t want to be the guy that complains too much.
That’s really annoying!
Trivia Q&A: February 20
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