Monday, August 10, 2009

Hollywood Invades Our Basements for Movie Ideas

With the recent success of Transformers and G.I. Joe, Hollywood is rummaging through our old basements, play areas, and toy chests for more movie ideas. This is what you might be seeing at a theatre nearest you.
(See if you can spot which ones are actually real; answers will be revealed at the end.)

Uno (2011)

Tagline: There Can Only Be UNO!

Summary: The best and brightest Uno players across the world are brought to a secret, underground game for the competition of their life. The winner will receive one billion dollars. The losers: death.

Starring: Dakota Fanning, Nicolas Cage, Elijah Wood, Christopher Walken
Directed by: John Woo

The Magic 8 Ball (2010)

Tagline: Outlook Not So Good!

Summary: A group of Spring Breakers purchase a magic 8 ball from a creepy shopkeeper (to be played by Samuel L. Jackson.) Little do they know, the toy store is haunted and so is their 8 ball. Horror takes over as each character falls victim to the magic 8 Ball and its predictions. Will they survive? Don’t count on it!

Starring: Megan Fox, The Jonas Brothers, Samuel L. Jackson
Directed by: Eli Roth

The Smurfs (2010)

Tagline: La, la, la, la, la, la… La, la, la, la, la...La, la, la, la, la, la…La, la, la, la, la!

Summary: The adventures of a mythical race of little blue creatures in medieval times that must deal with each other and humans, particularly an evil wizard obsessed with capturing them for his own sinister purposes.

Starring (rumored): John Lithgow, Julia Sweeney
Directed by: Raja Gosnell

View-Master: The Movie (2012)

Tagline: View This!

Summary: The 1939 toy that produces 3-D images is making a comeback in this science-fiction adventure film reminiscent to The Goonies.

To be Written by: Brad Caleb Kane

Barbie & Ken (2011)

Tagline: She’s blonde! She’s beautiful! She’s Barbie!

Summary: The movie is loosely based on the old Random House novels where Barbie and Ken attend a posh high school in New York City. The movie picks up five years after graduation. Barbie and Ken are aspiring actors, and we follow them through their journey to stardom.

Starring: Katherine Heigl, Zac Efron
Directed by: Penny Marshall

Garbage Pail Kids (2011)

Tagline: They’re Back and They’re Messy!

Summary: Itchy Ritchie, No Way Jose, and Drippy Dan are back, and this time, it’s on the big screen thanks to Judd Apatow. A live-action film follows some of the craziest and wackiest babies ever seen on the silver screen. With a cast of Apatow’s all-stars, this is a comedy that cannot be missed.

Starring (rumored): Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Jonah Hill, Jason Segel, Bill Hader, Leslie Mann
To be Written by: Jonah Hill & Jason Segel
To Be Produced/Directed by: Judd Apatow

Monopoly: The Movie! (2012)

Tagline: Pass Go, Collect $200…Just Don’t End Up in Jail!

A dozen characters participate in a real life game of monopoly. Hilarity ensues. The film will be reminiscent to It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World and hopes to star several comedians. The Tropic Thunder trio are already rumored to be involved.
Starring (rumored): Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Robert downey Jr., Robin Williams, Tina Fey
Directed by (rumored): Ben Stiller

Grayskull (2011)

Aka He-Man and the Masters of the Universe

By the Power of Grayskull!

Summary: The most powerful man in the universe, He-Man, goes against the evil forces of Skeletor to save the planet Eternia and to protect the secrets of Castle Grayskull.

To be Produced by: Joel Silver
To be Written by: Evan Daugherty
To be Directed by: John Stevenson

Nerf Ball (2012)

Tagline: It’s Not So Soft Anymore!

Summary: Nerf ball makes a comeback in this feature film. A handyman/zen master coaches a shy high schooler all the way to the Nerf Olympics. There, he must overcome bullies, drug addiction, and his fear to succeed.

Starring: Ralph Macchio, Elizabeth Shue, Pat Morita
Written by: William Zabka
Directed by: John G. Avildsen

Super Soaker 3000 (2011)

Tagline: Prepare to Get Soaked!

Summary: The cast of The Hangover reunite for this action-comedy of epic proportions. In the distant future, evil alien robots, whose only weakness is water, attempt to invade Mother Earth. A group of would be misfits and their super soakers come together to defend the planet and wipe out anything that gets in their way.

Starring: Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifinakis, Ed Helms
Directed By: Todd Phillips

The Answers

I wouldn’t be shocked if everything on this list turns into a movie. (I wonder if I would get a producer credit?) But for now, the following 3 are actually being made. Click on the titles below for more details.
Now search through your old toys, and you, too, can be a Hollywood producer!


Hillbilly Duhn said...

LMAO! That was great!

Zach said...

Good stuff man. There was a Garbage Pale Kids flick back in the 80's (also a he-man w/ Rocky 4's Dolph Lundren and Courtney Cox). I have read articles about a Monopoly movie as well....... a remake of Clue, battle ship and maybe Life as well.

JW said...
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